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Hindrance

Unfamiliar desperation
Pride and knees hit the floor
Declining in preparation
Have I any more to give?
All of me descends
All but my beseeching eyes
Eyes that crave ignorance
To not see the truth before them
I pour out what is left
Threads of my soul
Bared again before you
You watch as it fades
It was sturdy once, I think
A time long ago
Before my souls’ demise
The consequence of your indifference

I’m growing tired
Much too tired to replenish
Yet still, I pour
The threads leave me
I’m draining dry
I watch as they depart like feathers stolen by the wind
I’m helpless to this theft
How long till I deplete indefinitely
Growing tired, still
Yet, I proceed to pour
I am immobilized
A slave to what’s elusive
Crippling exhaustion grows
At what point do I give in

I crave the relief of my own acceptance
Maybe then I’d rest
Beseeching eyes now forward
Growing heavy
And alas- I loosen my grip
On the cusp of relief now
Slowly drifting to a rapid fall
Much like the feathers of my soul
The wind abducts me
Alongside this crippling desire
For you to mend my heart
To save me from my suffering
How liberating it feels
As I shed this burden to the wind
The longing subsides
For what you hold captive
And dangle before me
Drenching me in ridicule
Drowning me in contradictions

How you declare with a promise
Then deprive me with ease I’m
nearly free
The ground fades, as do you
Too far now to see
The sight of you lost
And I finally close my eyes
Suddenly, I stir
I search in terror
Where are you
Reaching out, I tighten my grasp
Eyes up once again
To fix on you
You and your indifference
Familiar desperation


Jessica Wheeler is a full time mom and aspiring writer currently residing in Branford, CT with her husband and two young daughters.  Born with a passion for music and arts, Jessica started singing/songwriting at an early age which led to an acceptance into the music department at ECA (Educational Center For The Arts) in New Haven, CT. Jessica also has experience in the medical field, having specialized in Radiation Therapy.

Jessica draws writing inspiration from her personal struggle to cope with the grief and PTSD acquired after multiple losses of very dear loved ones in a short timespan. Most notably, her younger sister Kelly, whose battle with drug addiction was lost in 2015.

One comment on “Hindrance

  • Francine
    May 4, 2022 | 1:41 am

    Absolutely beautiful

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